Summer is here… your kids are surely looking forward to the break from school.  How about you?  Are you feeling ready for your family-together-time?  If you aren’t feeling so ready—consider sitting down with the kids to brainstorm fun activity ideas together.  Have the kids write out a list of things they would like to do this summer, including ideas that are free, indoors, outdoors, quiet, loud, solitary, or done in a group.  Give them a small theoretical budget (ie, $10/week) to see how they would spend the family resources on activities.  When we give kids some control and responsibility for the planning, they will be more likely to help make it happen, and be happy about it when you do!

Here are a few relatively easy ways to have quality family time together without spending a ton of money.

• Does your town have public transportation?  If you don’t use it regularly, give it a try.  Kids love to take the bus—no carseats, not even seatbelts!  You can plan a day-long outing on the bus.  You can go somewhere specific, or just use the bus as an air-conditioned tour of your town!  Make sure your bus route is a circle if you do that, or ask the driver where the stop is that will send you back where you came from.
• The Pool!  Your kids are probably already begging to go… take them and jump in, too.  Being in the pool is great exercise, and it’s a wonderful way to get physically close to your kids.  You can play Marco-polo or dive for coins.  Anything that has you interacting with each other and using your bodies will leave you connected, happy, and a pleasantly tired.  Don’t forget the sunscreen and the snacks—fresh fruit is especially nice poolside.
• Visit a park.  Many state parks have activities in the summer that are fun for families—get outdoors, have fun, and maybe even learn a little something, too.  Another outdoor nature adventure idea is to find a creek somewhere and go exploring.  Can you catch minnows?  Pick different kinds of flowers?  Splash in puddles?!  Get wet and muddy, bring the dog, and make life-long wonderful summer memories.
• Have a messy party in the backyard one afternoon.  Put down a shower curtain or some other large plastic sheet, and give the kids shaving cream, pudding, flour, Koolaid: any kind of messy/goopy/food substance.  Make sure they are wearing old clothes and then let them make the biggest mess ever!  Just make sure to have a bucket of water nearby for rinsing off before they come back in the house.
• Outdoor bubble bath.  Clear out your shower and vanity of all the old body wash and shampoo bottles that you aren’t using or are mostly empty.  Pull out the kiddie pool, rinse out one of the bottles to get the bubbles started, and turn the kids loose with the rest of the bottles for the world’s largest bubble bath.   (this one might be a good one to do directly after the messy party!)

But mostly, take advantage of the slower pace that summer usually brings.  Spend more time cuddling, playing, and laughing.  Relax and enjoy yourself—let the summer fun begin!

You have probably heard the term “cutting” and likely have some misperceptions about it. Most of us cannot fathom that someone would willingly cause pain and harm to their own body. What is cutting and why do teens do it?

The type of cutting we are talking about here is when someone, usually a teen, makes cuts on their own body. This type of cutting is not to be confused with a suicide attempt, as they are quite different. Cutting, while considered self-harm, is actually an attempt to control emotional pain. It is not an attempt to end one’s life.

We tend to see cutting more frequently in girls than boys, but anyone can do it. Usually, it starts around age 14, but sometimes even younger, and it can last years. This is not a problem that will likely go away on its own.

Often, cutters have an underlying mental and/or eating disorder. Also, they might have been sexually, physically or verbally abused. Some teens experiment with cutting, but they really will only continue if there are serious underlying issues. The teens I have personally worked with that cut themselves had all been sexually abused. When the emotional pain got too intense, they’d cut themselves to release and control the pain.

When a teen has an underlying mental disorder, has been abused, or is just in immense pain, sometimes it can become too much. Often, they don’t have healthy ways to express themselves. They need an outlet, so they find that release in cutting.

Most teens who cut themselves describe it like a drug. The release makes them feel a rush of endorphins, similar to being high. Like a drug, it will take more and more to achieve the same result. Cutting is an unhealthy coping strategy for those that are unhappy. So how do you know if your child is cutting and what can you do?

Signs to look for:

• small, straight cuts
• usually on the arms or legs
• appear like cuts and scratches, with no explanation or excuses for how they got there
• mood changes (depression, anxiety…)
• behavior changes (crying, rage…)
• changes in school (lack of interest, grades…)
• change in relationships (break-ups, etc…)
• extreme stress (divorce, death of loved one…)

If your teen is cutting, it is imperative that you seek help. This does not go away on its own. It is not just a habit or a phase.

Treatment options are:

• Outpatient counseling/psychotherapy
• Inpatient treatment programs
• Psychiatric treatment, including medication for underlying mental health disorders, such as anxiety, depression or bi-polar disorder

All of these will focus on stabilizing your teen’s mood, helping to increase their self esteem, learning to identify and express their feelings in healthy ways, and utilizing new coping skills instead of cutting. Cutting is not something to be ashamed of, and not as rare as you might think. Help is available and very successful. Everyone deserves to live a healthy life, and that includes mental health. Help your teen live the best possible life that they can.

Source: WebMD.com

The great thing about summer is the sense of possibility. The long stretch of unencumbered time. Nothing one has to do. Everything one could do.

I hope your son or daughter can capitalize on the possibilities summer offers. There are some key skills your child can develop if given the chance and some guidance. By following these five steps, you can provide some great opportunities for your child to set a goal and reach it. What a great learning experience for summer!

Step #1: Think of things to do. Being bored is a good thing. It is the beginning of all new ideas. So becoming comfortable with a gap in the day is the key to creating something really exciting.

Support this by making certain there is unscheduled time in your child’s day. Don’t prohibit daydreaming! At the same time, step in if boredom turns to despair or destructiveness.

Step #2: Set goals that are achievable. Sometimes a child’s great idea, the one that makes him rouse from his boredom with a shout of “I’ve got it!” – sometimes it’s an idea too large, too dangerous, or too expensive to pull off. Learning how to adjust the plan to meet logistical constraints is indeed a key skill.

Support this by first being accepting and supportive (“What a great idea?’) and then inquiring (“But tell me… where will you get a rocket ship? Do you know someone who has one?’). Notice that you don’t need to throw cold water on the entire idea. Just help your child to herself tailor her ideas into something both satisfying and achievable.

Step #3: Make a plan to achieve a goal. Kids are great at envisioning the finished product or event but not quite so good at planning the steps to get there. Doing this is practice of a key skill

Support this by asking “What will you do first?” You can suggest your child outline the steps and try to think of everything he’ll need to do and all the supplies or equipment he’ll need to source. Don’t do this for your child, but you can certainly provide some guidance if he asks.

Step #4: Work within a timeframe. Time is part of any plan but it’s something children struggle to imagine. Consider how kids often underestimate how long their homework will take! So imagining a finish-date and backing up the steps to today is a good practical exercise.

Support this by making certain your child has time to work on her plans. Again, a child with too-tight a schedule is severely limited in her creative opportunities. Do what you can to support your child with the gift of time.

Step #5: Learn to deal with setbacks. No plan runs smoothly. There almost always are setbacks, detours, and just plain mistakes. Can your child stick with his idea, managing difficulties along the way, and come to an acceptable outcome at the end? This key skill is essential for life success.

Support this by lending a sympathetic ear. Setting something aside for a while is often helpful. Sometimes giving up on an idea is the only sane choice. But usually, conferencing together helps a solution to bubble up and leads to success. Give your child the emotional support she undoubtedly will need.

Your child’s summer can be inspirational and skill-building. It all starts with a little time to be bored and some guidance from you!

 
© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s new book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

Summer is officially here but maybe you’re already out of ideas for cool things to do with the family! Here are five great ideas that might spark a fresh thought in your head and a wonderful day together.

What’s within an hour’s drive or two from your home that you haven’t seen yet? A little investigation might uncover really interesting opportunities you’ve overlooked. Check especially for opportunities for…

• Caving. Find a park that offers cave tours (I want one led by a guide, please), then pack your flashlights and a little bravery and take a walk in the dark. Here’s a bonus: it’s always cooler underground!
• Hiking. Find a destination that is new and interesting, like a waterfall, an overlook, or an historical site. Or find a park with a loop hike that will bring you back to your starting point.
• Canoeing. A day on the lake or on a river is lots of fun and canoeing, rowing, and tubing are great ways to enjoy the water. Find a reputable outfitter or park vendor with sturdy boats and life vests to borrow.
• Archeological dig. Somewhere near you there’s very likely a place where your local college is conducting a dig of some sort, for prehistoric artifacts or even for dinosaur bones. Do a little digging yourself online and see what’s in your area. You might be allowed to just watch or you might be allowed to dig in!
• Gold panning. If old bones and broken pottery don’t interest you, maybe hunting for gold, agates, or other pretty bits will. In many areas of the country, gold panning or scavenging for other minerals is offered a public or private parks and you can always go hunting for pretty rocks, beach glass, or shells on a beach or riverbank.
• Visit to a state or national park.

A trip to a museum.

Search out a new and interesting museum, including funky roadside ones. Be sure to look for…

• A history museum with strange photos, gizmos and other displays from your area’s past.
• A science museum, especially an interactive one that lets you fiddle with thing. Many colleges have a museum of some sort. Check out the schools in your area and see what they have.
• A children’s museum, of course! If you’ve been to the one in your own town countless times, find another one a short drive away and visit that one. These are always lots of fun.
• A zoo. The county zoological park is good for another visit – try walking it in reverse of your usual path this time and notice things you never saw before. You might also find wildlife parks, reptile havens and other zoo-type locations if you look for them.

A day at a fair or community event.

There’s nothing to do in your area? Nonsense. Find out when one of these events is happening nearby and mark your calendar to be sure to attend.

• A Renaissance fair. There are many of these round about, some bigger and fancier than others and some small and fun. My grandkids and I found a tiny medieval fair last year that offered kids sword fighting lessons!
• Your state or county fair. When was the last time you went to your local fair? Do it right this year and see the animals, the tractor displays, and the pie and cake contests. Visit the midway and ride the carousel.
• A fireworks display. If your own town’s Fourth of July fireworks is starting to feel routine, find another town’s  display this year. Or find a great lookout point, where you can watch displays from several towns flashing in the distance, spread out a blanket and watch fireworks from every direction.
• A community parade. If it’s been a while since you lined a parade route, you’re missing out on some hometown fun. See what’s going on in your area this summer and pick your parade.

Sporting event

You can be a spectator or even try your hand at being a participant. Choose a sport that’s different and fun. Here are some new possibilities…

• Highland games or lumberjack days. Whether you want to see burly folks tossing logs or trying to stay on a log on the water, a day of unusual tests of strength and agility might be lots of fun. You might even get to take a turn yourself!
• Sheep herding event. Find sheepdog trials in your area and watch amazing border collies and other dogs compete in putting sheep in their places. If you like dogs, look for other canine events too, like dog shows, obedience trials or agility matches.
• Frisbee match. If you’ve never seen an Ultimate game – something like soccer with a disc instead of a ball – then watching or playing Ultimate might be a great way to spend an afternoon. Take a disc of your own so you and kids can toss it during halftime.
• Miniature golf. Who doesn’t like putt-putt? When was the last time you took the kids to play? Find a miniature golf course and have a fun time moving the ball around. Even little kids understand miniature gold and they sometimes win!
• Fishing derby. Sometime this summer somewhere near you there will be a fishing derby especially for youngsters. Find out when it will be and take the kids for a fun time near the water.

Service Project

After all that, do you and your family still have a day or two free? If so, there’s an organization near you that would love your help. Look for things like…

• A planting day, when your park district or other agency pretties up a park. Find your gardening gloves and help out!
• Clean-up detail. When your park authority isn’t planting new plants, they’re pruning old ones and pulling weeds and invasive plants or cleaning up a beach or ravine. Check their calendar and see when you and your kids can help out.
• Playground building. New playgrounds don’t happen every day, so this might not be a possibility near you this year. But if a school or child care center or park district is organizing a new playground build, be on hand to lend a hand. It’s amazing to watch the structures go up and your children will love helping to build a place they will play.
• Volunteer day at the food bank. Food banks and other charities need your help not just at Thanksgiving but all year round. Call up an organization near you and see how you and your family can help.
• Yard work for a neighbor in need. Sometimes the best service of all is right there on your own block. If there’s an elderly or disabled person in your neighborhood who might like the windows washed, the lawn mowed or the flower beds tidied, go ahead and ask if they’d let you help out.

Still bored? I thought not! Have a great summer!

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s new book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

What is your position on outdoor rock concerts that go on all day and into the night? How about co-ed camping? Any thoughts on cliff jumping, white water rafting, or setting off fireworks? Many teens, possibly yours, will be asked to participate in these sorts of activities this summer. If you haven’t already now might be a good time to figure out if and when you want to draw the line.

It should be said right at the start that every summer thousands of teens across the country engage in what nervous adults might call risky activities  but  come to no harm. The chances that your kid will be injured or will injure someone else while having fun with her friends are very, very small. These sorts of sad events make the news because they are news: they don’t happen all that often.

And while every parent worries and might want to keep her child locked in a cave until age twenty-five, we all know that teens must have opportunities to make decisions and weigh risks. The brain’s prefrontal cortex – the area responsible for planning ahead and seeing the possible consequences of an action – undergoes tremendous development in adolescence. But in order to make that development happen, a teen must have plans to make, plans that could result in serious consequences if not thought all the way through. So to keep from stunting your child’s brain development, he must make his own decisions and see what the results are. You can’t keep your child safe by doing all the thinking for him.

But there’s no need to step back and let the chips fall where they may. You can be proactive, in preparing your teen to make big decisions, in knowing what you think she can handle and in laying down the ground rules early. Here are some thoughts.

1. Be prepared. Make sure you know who your child’s friends are (first and last names). Make certain your child knows that you are there for him, no matter what, and that he should call you if he gets into trouble, no matter when. Despite the costs and other issues, your teen should probably have a cell phone so he’s not dependent on using the phone of someone else. Know if your child is a good swimmer. Make sure your child – boy or girl – knows how babies are made and how to keep from accidentally making one.
2. Establish some basic rules about driving. The most dangerous place for your teen and her friends is a car. Even if your child doesn’t drive and her friends are too young to drive, realize that she may find herself in a car with a teen driver and a whole lot of other kids. If your child does drive, realize that she will be pressured to give rides to her friends and that no matter how good a driver she is when you’re riding along, she will be a worse driver with other kids in the car. So establish some rules and practice some scripts – things she can say when she turns down an offer of a ride or when she declines to give a kid a ride. Let her know how many people she can have in the car if she’s driving (your state may have laws about this).
3. Establish a curfew and hold your teen to it. Whether curfew is 10 pm or 2 am, be ready to check to see that it’s observed. If your child isn’t home at the appointed hour, call his cell phone. Meet him at the door when he finally shows up. Being the parent of a teen means being up at night just as much as being the parent of a newborn is. Let your kid know you’re paying attention.
4. Require an itinerary. Before your teen heads out the door, know who she’s going to be with, where they all are going, how they’ll get there, what they plan to do, and when she plans to be home. Naturally, your teen will tell you that she doesn’t know. Naturally, she may tell you about plans that never happen, even about things she has no intention of doing but that she thinks will sound good. The itinerary you hear may be far from the truth. But asking her to tell it to you will make an impression. It’s a way of emphasizing that you care.
5. If you think it’s unsafe, don’t permit it. Remember that teens feel a lot of pressure to go along with whatever the crowd does. It’s difficult for a teen to refuse to do something he’d rather not without looking like a baby or a coward. So help him out. Tell him no. Give your child the ability to say “My dad would kill me if I did that!” It might be just what he needs to stand up for his true feelings.

Realize, though, that what you permit and what you don’t may not matter. Your child may very well do exactly what she wants despite your prohibitions. So  do what you can to prepare your child to be safe, to use her head, and to make her own (good) decisions. Summer is the time your teen is most likely to get into situations she didn’t expect and might not know how to handle. Figure out ahead of time how to help her be ready and how to still have lots of fun.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson.  All rights reserved.

Parents of teens tear their hair out wondering what happened to that child who cooperated at least some of the time, listened once in awhile, and adjusted to the limits set some of the time. Now an attitude seems to replace that child and an alien has taken over.

The thing is, your child is the same child, but she is growing up and pushing out. She must separate from her dependency on you. She must make decisions on her own, take responsibility for herself, and navigate among her world of peers.

The problem is she’s often not very nice about it and is not terribly capable of doing a good job at any of it.

Developmentally your teen’s ability to foresee the consequences of her choices, plan things out, and decide what is truly in her best interest is not quite in keeping with her desire to be independent and have fun now. In other words, her brain is not yet developed enough to support the independence she wants and may be fighting you for.

Meanwhile, you are treading the waters of this new territory with its new and often frightening daily developments. You find evidence that your teen is experimenting in all directions. From vaping candy flavored chemicals (which “may or may not contain nicotine”) to smoking or injecting all kinds of drugs, putting homework and grades at a low priority, and getting few hours of sleep, your mental state is fragile at best.

Taking advantage of the few minutes you see your teen, it’s hard not to lecture, nag about chores, and express your fears in anger and frustration. But that is the last thing your child needs from you.

Even though it looks and feels like your teen has discarded you, this behavior must cue you to its deeper meaning. As much as he wants to run his own life, he is scared of doing so. Even though he thinks he’s ready, he knows he’s not.

Yes, he would rather be with his friends. Yes, he cares nothing about helping out. Yes, he treats you rudely. But he still needs to know you are there. He may hate what you have to say, but he wants you around more than you probably are.

Lisa Damour (New York Times Dec. 2016) coined the label, the potted plant parent. Her research found that “…it’s great if you and your adolescent get along well with each other, but even if you don’t, your uneasy presence is better for your teenager than your physical absence.” Teens psychological health increases when parents are home before and after school and at dinnertime. Damour explains, “…parenting of a teenager may sometimes take the form of blending into the background like a potted plant.”

There is never a time in a child’s life when connection is not needed and wanted. It’s just that the nature of the connection must change alongside your rapidly changing adolescent.

You have the choice of reacting just like your teen ~ or being the grownup, understanding that her behavior is a clue to deeper needs, and not taking that behavior personally so you can remain the influence your teen desperately needs.

In order to maintain that influence, trust must be present.

Trust does not mean you are going to overlook the money she took from your wallet. Trust means that you see the impulsive mistake she made that must be amended — but you see a mistake, not an indictment of character. Trust does not mean you ignore the pot smoking happening in his room that must be addressed and handled— but you understand this behavior is filling a hole/a hurt that is present.

When you take your child’s behavior at face value, it becomes difficult to see the whole child always present underneath the charade that most teens try out before discovering who they are.

The quality of your connection with your teen is the #1 preventive measure of all you fear. Teens who hurdle the obstacles of adolescence relatively unscathed and come out the other end with resilience are those who feel connected with their parents.

So do your best to remain the grownup, stay the high ground and give your teen the connection she needs even when snark is her current language of choice.

Here are a few examples of connective language that can penetrate the hard shell:

• “You know, what I really admire about you is your ability to….”
• “I know you have what it takes.”
• “I trust you can figure this out. Would you like to bounce some ideas around?”
• “You don’t have to know what you want. Sometimes life is just confusing for awhile.”
• “I love you no matter what.”
• “I know you know you made a mistake. I trust that you know what will feel best inside to make the amends necessary.”
• “I’m sure you know I don’t approve of what you want. I also know that I cannot make you do what I want. You are the one who needs to decide what is right.”
• “You have such a good head on your shoulders and you care about yourself and your future, so I trust you will figure this out.”
• “I have to say no to that. My job is still to be your parent and sometimes I have to say things that make you mad.”
• “I don’t like to be spoken to that way. I will be in the kitchen when you can tell me what it is you want.”
• “That’s not okay with me. I get it that you want x. I want z. How can we work this out so we both get what we want?”
• “Of course you wish you could call all the shots and make the decisions. I did too when I was your age. Unfortunately you still have boring parents to deal with for a few more years. Bummer.”

When you react in anger and fear, you push your teen further away. Your problems only invoke his anger and fear. To reach a middle ground, you need to be clear and firm but not reactive. He needs your constant presence and understanding that the territory he’s navigating is filled with potholes. He doesn’t want you to know when he falls into them But he does want to know you’re there when he gets out.

So many parents complain, especially at holiday and birthday time, how ungrateful their children are. It’s hard to put in all the time, effort, and money into our children’s upbringing and wants and desires only to have them take and take and show no appreciation. So how do we turn this around? How do we raise grateful children?

The most important key to getting started on raising gratitude is to understand that everything you do for your children, everything you buy, every opportunity you provide is your choice. Nobody is making you buy or do anything. Not even the “everybodies” who all have just what your child is demanding.

If you don’t want your child to have what “everybody else has”, don’t get it. Be clear in yourself and confident of your values. Do not lay it on your child with, “You don’t need that. Just because your friends have it, doesn’t mean you have to.” Instead go with an empathic approach and take responsibility for yourself. “I know it’s hard to be the only one who doesn’t get to see that movie. You really want to be in the know, I get it. Deciding what is okay and what is not is my job. Bummer. You have to live with a mom who sometimes makes you mad.”

Many parents feel suckered into succumbing to their kids’ demands out of sheer frustration to stop the whining or arguing. Many feel guilty about the lack of time they are able to spend with their kids or the split time that divorce requires. Many were required to show appreciation to their needy parents and so expect the same of their own children. Whatever the reason, when children feel pressured to appreciate, they usually come up empty.

Don’t ask for it. The “After all I’ve done for you, why can’t you do one thing for me?” approach merely lays on guilt creating more resistance. Who wants to hear that? The “Do you realize how good you’ve got it” approach assumes that your children are able to compare their lives to yours or to others who have very little. First, they are not capable of that perspective when they are young, and second, why should they be asked to be grateful for the only experiences they know? It takes maturity to understand and compare one’s life to another’s.

What TO do to encourage gratitude:

• Instead of acting belligerent when you do something for your child and he doesn’t respond, simply say, “Thank you, Mommy” in a light-hearted way that encourages his thank you response.
• In the same vein, when your child demands something, wait for the please or give a reminder of please so that she says please.
• Always say please and thank you to your children, spouse and others.
• As soon as your child is old enough to understand that gifts come from others who take time and thought to get them, ask your child to dictate a letter to you. “What would you like to say to grandma about the train set? Do you like playing with it? What’s your favorite part? Let’s tell her about it.”
• When your kids are old enough to write, be sure and spend time with them while they write thank you notes and help with the thinking process if needed. Make it fun so it doesn’t become a chore.
• Anytime your child does anything helpful, point it out. “I really appreciate it when you bring your plate to the sink. It helps me with my job.” “I bet your sister felt really good when you gave her a hug when she was feeling bad.” “Thank you for putting your puzzles away.”
• Let your children hear you talking about how grateful or appreciative you are toward someone else. Let them see you writing a note to someone or hear you expressing it to the person.
• At the dinner table, take turns offering something you feel grateful for and also something you wish hadn’t happened that day.
• When you find yourself frustrated by your child’s lack of appreciation, stop and ask yourself, What am I missing? What do I wish for that I am not getting? What do I want my child to give me? Is that realistic, appropriate? Am I expecting her to respond at her age the way I would at my age?
• Try to get in your child’s head and understand what he is thinking or feeling when you sense lack of caring. Disappointment or anger in the moment will trump any consideration for what another went through.

Like respect, gratitude is a feeling that cannot be taught, only experienced. You can remind your children that they might be feeling gratitude, and you can show them ways to express gratitude, but you can’t make them actually feel it. Remember that a child’s development for many years is extremely egocentric. They have difficulty understanding others’ feelings or being motivated to show appreciation. That’s why they need parents for about eighteen years. Guidance is needed in order to instill a sense of gratitude.

Maybe you’ve already decided that this summer, your kids will stay home by themselves while you go to work. It might be that day camp or babysitting is just too expensive. It might be that your kid thinks he’s too old for supervision. Your plan might even be that the oldest child will watch the younger ones.

If you’ve decided that this summer your kids will be home alone, then it’s probably useless to try to talk you out of that. What you need is a little advice on how to pull this off.

1.  Kids under the age of 10 need supervision, no matter what they say. While state courts do not endorse an age at which it’s okay to leave children home alone, states do tend to agree that leaving 10-year-olds home alone is not automatically an indicator of neglect.  This means that your younger children must be enrolled in childcare of some sort or supervised at home by someone obviously capable of the task.
2. Kids between 10 and 16 need careful scheduling if they are home alone. Kids and teens shouldn’t have the entire day to spend however they wish. Idle hands still are the devil’s workshop, as the old saying goes, so keep your kids busy even though you’re not there. Set a time for getting out of bed each day, assign daily chores, set goals for daily reading or other study, and work with your kids to create special projects, sports participation, and other activities. Your children’s days should be packed with approved activities.
3. Kids between 10 and 16 need explicit rules and guidelines. Make certain you and your children understand who is permitted to be in the house and yard, how far your kids may go away from home, and what to do in case of various emergencies. Tighten up the filters on the television and computer. Stock the fridge and pantry with only healthy foods. Make certain that kids include care for pets in their thinking, so that the family animals are not neglected or endangered.
4. Kids between 10 and 16 need checking-on. Require a phone call at breakfast, again at lunch, and in the middle of the afternoon. Make yourself available to take these calls in person – they shouldn’t just go into voicemail. Keep in mind that your child may not be entirely comfortable being home alone and a quick conversation with you may be necessary to help your kid get through the day. Checking-in is not just for checking-up but supports your child’s ability to manage.
5. Kids get into trouble, so expect it. If you’re asking your kids to manage themselves responsibly, you’re asking a great deal of brains that are not fully developed and moral perspectives that are not entirely ready to be tested. Expect that your kids will do things that are forbidden and will lie to you about it. Keep your eyes open and be ready to reteach and support your kids even more. Remember that their missteps are a result of your decision to rely on their incomplete abilities and are not entirely their fault.

If your summer plan hinges on an older sibling watching younger brothers and sisters, understand that the older child will need a great deal of support. Consider how hard it is for you to be a parent when kids are home on school vacation, despite your experience and authority. An older sib has little experience and may not be able control younger kids. He or she may struggle to keep the little ones fed and cared for, let alone entertained. Certainly do not attempt leaving a child under 14 in charge of younger kids, and be careful in deciding to let even high school kids manage several children. Asking this of your teen is asking a great deal.

Keep in mind that you are the parent here and even if you ask your children to be responsible for themselves during the day this summer, you are still the responsible party. It’s hard work to coordinate things when you’re not on the scene and it requires constant communication with your kids and lots of support. If you can work from home, even a couple days a week, that might be helpful to the entire family. If you can find a responsible adult who already works from home and can work from your home during the summer, that might be another way to keep your kids supervised and safe.

Whatever you decide, keep your kids’ well-being in mind. That’s the key to a happy summer.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson.  All rights reserved.

Granola bars sound healthy, right? They are certainly a convenient, on the go snack, but there are a few sneaky facts you need to know before choosing the right one for your family.  Some granola bars are great options, while others pay homage to the candy bar, packing a hefty dose of sugar and fat. Don’t be fooled by the “health halo,” including words like healthy, natural, fiber, low fat, or organic. These claims lure me to the box too…for a closer look.

How is a parent supposed to know which granola bar to choose? The Nutrition Facts Label and the ingredient list on each package can help guide your choices.  First, scour the nutrition facts label to check for sugar, fat, sodium, and fiber; then turn over the package and look at the sources of these nutrients on the ingredient list.

We’ve done some of the work for you.  Check out these randomly selected, kid-oriented options:

*Nutrition information obtained from www.calorieking.com.

Healthiest: We looked at overall qualities, but you may be focused on a single nutrient such as sugar or fiber. In that case, it’s easy to see how each granola bar fares in nutrient categories compared to its competitor.  Kashi TLC Chewy Trail Mix seems to be the overall best choice with low saturated fat, the least sugar, and a good amount of fiber.  Although its calorie content is on the higher side in comparison to the chart as a whole, it is still a reasonable amount for a snack. Pairing this granola bar with a 1/2 cup of milk would add protein and calcium to make it more nutritious, satisfying and filling.

If you want lower sugar content, aim for less than 9 grams of sugar per serving (a donut has 12 grams!).  For fiber, go for more than 2 grams per serving (5 grams per serving is considered a high fiber item). Is sodium a worry?  Shoot for fewer than 200 mg per serving.

Unhealthiest: Hershey’s Reece’s Sweet & Salty with Peanuts seems to be the least healthy with the highest calorie, fat, and saturated fat content, along with moderate to high levels of sugar–but I bet it tastes good.

What are your criteria for choosing granola bars for your child?

Disclaimer: This is just a small representation of a single flavor from each of many popular brands on the market, not of all bars available.  Nutrient content may change with different flavor options within each brand.  The purpose of this chart is Nutrition Facts label education, and not specific brand recommendations.