If you think your child might have ADHD or ADD, the first questions to ask are “why do you think so?” and “what else could cause that?” Let’s take a closer look.

ADHD – Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder – and ADD – Attention Deficit Disorder – are caused by a brain difference. The brains of kids with these two conditions are wired differently than the brains of other kids. Kids with ADHD or ADD have trouble paying attention and may have trouble controlling their actions. These problems occur in every situation just about all the time (not just at school). These differences are hereditary, so if a parent has these conditions the children in the family might too.

So if one parent or the other has been diagnosed with ADHD or ADD and a child has difficulty with attention and self-control not only in school but at home as well, then, yes, the child might have ADHD or ADD. Talking with your family doctor is the next step.

But sometimes children who have poor attention and poor impulse control don’t have ADHD or ADD at all. In fact, most kids with behavior problems do not have ADHD or ADD. They just have behavior problems.

Telling the difference between children with ADHD or ADD and children who just behave badly is not always easy. But, luckily, addressing the behavior problems themselves helps both sorts of kids – those with and those without ADHD or ADD.

Here’s where to start:

1. Cut way down on electronic media of all sorts. Strictly limit (to only an hour per day – can you do it?) television viewing, DVDs, video games, computer games, computer surfing, handheld game players and any other electronic media I might have forgotten to list. Not an hour each: an hour total. There is a clear link between overuse of electronics and bad behavior. Cut that link in your house.
2. Increase physical exercise. Get kids out of the house and onto the playground for at least an hour every day – over and above whatever your child gets in physical education class or recess at school. Physical activity increases brain function and overall health.  And well-exercised kids are calmer. Get your child outdoors!
3. Feed your kids right. Nutrition is a zero-sum game: the more junk food the less room there is in a child’s tummy for good food. And while sugar may not “cause” bad behavior, poor nutrition does. Eliminate junk food from your fridge and pantry.
4. Get your kids to bed on time. Tired children act badly. You knew this but have you connected the dots between your own child’s lights-out time and her behavior? And there’s not a TV in your child’s room, is there? Get it out of there!
5. Teach your children how to behave. If you’re getting bad behavior, that means your kids don’t know what you expect. Punishment and yelling aren’t effective here. Instead, teach what you want your kids to do.

At a time when behavior is not an issue, discuss one scenario where you’d like see a change.  Let’s say your child acts up in the car. Sometime when you’re not in the car, talk about car behavior. Remind your child of good car behavior just before the next car ride. Pull over the moment you get bad behavior. Drive only when the bad behavior stops. At the end of the ride, discuss again: how does the child think he did? What could he do differently next time?

Teach. Kids aren’t born knowing.

If just reading this short and simple list makes you tired, then you need to get serious. Good behavior, including paying attention and controlling impulses, is a key part of doing well in school and in life.

And notice that there aren’t any quick fixes. Medication, if properly prescribed for an actual medical condition, is effective and safe. But medication is never enough all by itself and is never appropriate for simply “bad behavior.” Medication doesn’t help kids understand how to behave in any given situation. Good parenting does that.

Whether your child has ADHD, ADD, or is just too frisky for her own good, it’s your job as a parent to guide her in the way to behave. Make no excuses. Your child can do better. Help get her there.

Kindergarten teachers will tell you: some kids start school ready to learn and some start school way behind. The difference, obviously, is what happens at home in those first five years. But what makes that difference? What should parents of toddlers and preschoolers be doing to give their kids every advantage possible?

The answer is pretty simple and also inexpensive. No need to spend money on educational toys or enroll in costly classes. Instead, here are the keys:

1.  Talk with your child – a lot. Talk about what you’re going to do and where you’re going to go. Talk about what happened today and what will happen tomorrow. There’s a huge difference in just the number of words little kids hear during the day – make sure your child hears a lot.

2.Turn off the TV. Television does not do your child any good. And if your kid is watching television, you and she are not talking together or doing interesting things. Listening to television doesn’t count in that “number of words” thing. The less television the better.

3. Listen to your child. When your child says something, listen all the way through. Don’t interrupt him or finish his sentences or hurry him along. Don’t argue and don’t correct him. If your kid is going to know a lot of words when he goes to kindergarten he has to hear them – and he has to say them. “Talking with your child” means listening too.

4. Do interesting things together. Go outside, walk around the block, go to the playground, play in the house, cook together, shop together, do stuff. And while you’re doing stuff, ask questions. Talk about what you see and what’s happening. Children develop their intelligence by messing around with things and ideas. If your kid likes electronic gizmos, really limit her time with them. Video games and handhelds only develop one sort of thinking. Your child needs more than that.

5. Read together. Read signs, books, labels, the backs of cereal boxes, the directions on a microwave meal… everything. And let your child see you reading. Reading isn’t just something people do in school. Make sure your child knows that reading is the gateway to fun stories and useful information.

What we’ve learned about brain development is this: we get the brains we need for how we spend our time. Make sure your child spends his time talking, reading, and messing around with real stuff. The years from birth to age five are hugely important. Help your child make the most of them!