Most experts agree that it is a human necessity to have friends. I would argue that while it is not necessary for survival, it is necessary in order to be a healthy and stable individual. There are many benefits to friendships, and skills that we learn from having friends that cannot be learned any other way. Many of these benefits and skills are what help determine the shape our adult relationships, careers and families.

Early childhood friendships are crucial to healthy social development. Children learn the concepts of sharing, waiting their turn, problem solving, and reap joy from having playmates. A great deal of mirroring occurs in early social interactions as well, and this is an important tool in building empathy and understanding of the needs of others. Parents, make sure your children start playing with other children from a very early age.

As a therapist, I deal with many teens and adults that have not had enough friendship interactions since childhood. The result is that they grow up lacking empathy and understanding of others. They are unable to reciprocate under the social norms, and are only capable of associating with other people very similar to themselves. This, of course, can be problematic in many different areas of life.

When you go off to college, you will likely live in a dorm with a roommate. If you’ve never had friends and sleepovers and never been annoyed by spending too much time together, I can almost guarantee you will not survive a dorm. Many kids who have never had friends and never become socialized will choose to live alone in order to avoid the difficulties of sharing space. This only further isolates them and prevents them from making new friends. It becomes a vicious cycle.

Your ability to have a meaningful adult relationship rests upon the assumption that you have friends and learned all of these skills mentioned above. Friends also give us a sense that we are loved and appreciated and belong, which is crucial for a strong self-esteem. It is much healthier going into adulthood with a strong sense of self, self-esteem, and feeling loved, than to be searching for that in a relationship.

Time and time again, I see people fall into a pattern. Those who never really had friends don’t feel that good about themselves. They seek another to fill the void inside. They latch on and become “needy”. But then when a real relationship begins to emerge, one where you must reveal of yourself and allow in true intimacy and connection, you just don’t know how to do it. Usually, when it gets to this point, you get scared and run. And if you don’t, you often expect your partner to meet ALL of your needs, since you have nobody else in your life. Nobody can fill that role.

As adults, we need friends as a lifeline. Friends will be your support system, your cheer squad, and your family. Friends will help you keep going when you don’t think you can, help you pick up the pieces when you are broken, and hold your hand while you grieve. They will give you advice and lend a helping hand, so that you are not alone in the world. They will listen when need an ear. You will have more together than you ever could have alone.

But it’s not enough just to have friends. You also have to be a friend. What does it really mean to be a good friend? Here are some tips for how to be a good friend:

1. Be there. No matter what. Do not walk away, even when things are difficult. Even if that means backing away to give someone space when they’re going through something rough, make sure you’re there when they need you.
2. Be kind, generous, and understanding. Try to see if you can imagine what your friend is actually feeling. Learn to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s called empathy.
3. Do not judge. Be supportive instead. In hard times, ask your friend what she needs from you, and then give exactly what is needed.
4. Have fun. Friendship is a gift. Spend time having fun with friends as often as possible.
5. Be honest, loyal and trustworthy.

As you can see, the traits of a good friend are also the traits of a good partner. These are qualities that are sought for in romantic relationships. We learn so much from having friends throughout life and benefit from having such people in our lives. Friends teach us how to be better individuals, which allows us to have better and more meaningful relationships in life.

Be a parent, not a friend. We’ve all heard this saying countless times. But what does it really mean? And why can’t you be your child’s best friend? Isn’t that a good thing if my child sees me as a friend?

Being a parent, rather than a friend, doesn’t mean that you can’t have a respectful and loving relationship with your child. What it does mean is that you have to be the authoritative figure. Children are not emotionally or developmentally capable of setting boundaries and making good decisions for their own wellbeing. It’s your job to do that, even if it sometimes means that you have to be the “bad guy”.

If you’re always trying to please your child, afraid to set boundaries or enforce rules for fear of upsetting them, you are setting them up for failure and disappointment. The real world just doesn’t work that way. Society, even schools and jobs, are bound by countless rules and boundaries, and they will be enforced, even if your child doesn’t like it.

DO NOT let your child make all of his own decisions. He is not ready for that, and it causes stress. You can provide limited choices, discuss things, get his opinions and input, and then YOU, THE PARENT makes the decision. Whether it is about  which classes to take, summer camp, sports or anything else, YOU ULTIMATELY MAKE THE DECISIONS. Obviously, if your child says they hate baseball but want to play piano, you could probably make that happen. But if they want to take classes that are too hard or too easy, you have to make the judgment.

Many parents think it’s better to let their kids make their own decisions. Not always. As they get older and more mature, it is healthy to gradually give them more decision-making power over their own lives, but very slowly and with guidance. By the time they leave home, you do want them knowing how to make good decisions for themselves. But if you give them too much control too soon, it can cause anxiety and extra stress.

At the end of the day, we all want to have close, loving relationships with our children. And you still can. You just can’t be their best friend. Guide them, teach them, allow them be mad at you for doing what’s best or what’s right.   Eventually, they will become healthy adults who look up to you and respect you and strive to be like you. What more could any parent ask for?

Here are a few reasons why you need to be a parent, not a friend to your children.

1. Children need rules and boundaries to feel safe, stable and secure. It is your job as a parent to provide security and a stable environment for your child. You are not equals, and it is not a democracy. There is a hierarchy that must be enforced. This is accomplished with love, nurturing, rules and boundaries. You must learn how to be firm, but gentle. Having the structure and security of knowing what is expected and when helps reduce the amount of anxiety a child will feel.
2. Kids are not developmentally capable of making big decisions. Their brains are literally not developed yet, and specifically the parts of the brain necessary for making big and important decisions. Let’s be real here; young children are still trying to master the basic notion of what is right and what is wrong, and teens struggle daily with how to make good decisions for themselves. Do you really think these very youngsters should be making important decisions or have a lack of rules and boundaries to guide them? They absolutely should not. When you give children tasks they are not ready for, you could be setting them up for failure. It can have a negative impact on their self-esteem.

At the end of the day, we all want to have close, loving relationships with our children. And you still can. You just can’t always be their best friend. Guide them, teach them, and progressively let them make their own choices with the positive or negative consequences that follow. By slowly gaining control, they will eventually learn to make their own healthy choices. But for now, allow them to be mad at you for doing what’s best along the way. Your children will more likely look up to you and respect you for raising them to become responsible adults. What more could any parent ask for?

In today’s world, we guard and protect our children like never before, much to their own detriment.  There are many things they need to know how to do and how to handle by the time they leave home.  If you don’t teach them, they will not know.

Here is what your child needs to know and how to teach them:

1. How to manage money.  Get your teen a debit-type credit card, and put a certain amount of money on it weekly or monthly.  Talk to your teen about how to budget and manage money, and then watch them figure it out.  They won’t get it right away, as they will likely spend it all quickly.  But, over time, they will figure it out.  Don’t wait until they leave home to start teaching this.
2. How to solve a problem with a teacher.  Don’t step in and rescue your teen every time he has an issue with a teacher.  You can give advice, and then let him take your advice or not, and learn on his own how to stand up for himself, and be proactive in communicating with his teachers.
3. How to deal with his emotions.  All of them.  Even pain and anger.  Don’t try to distract your teen from experiencing his own pain and anger.  It is necessary to be allowed to feel your feelings, and to learn how to cope and express yourself appropriately.  That is where you can help.  Just listen and be supportive, and tell your child if he’s being inappropriate.
4. How to clean up and do laundry.  Stop cleaning up after your teen.  He is old enough to make his own bed, hang up his towel, and put his clothes in the hamper.  Teach him how to do laundry and how to put it away.  Make him clean up after himself in the kitchen, and even do all the dishes sometimes.  Nobody will be there to do if for him when he leaves home.
5. How to cook some basic meals.  Don’t wait another day.  Start teaching now.  Otherwise, your teen will eat fast food for every meal when they leave home.
6. Lastly, and most importantly, your teen needs to know how and when to ask for help.  Whether he needs help academically, socially, financially or emotionally, your teen needs to know whom to call and when.  He needs to know that there is no shame in asking for help; rather it is a sign of maturity to recognize when you need help.

Fostering independence and functionality are necessary gifts that you can bestow upon your teen before they leave home.  Don’t forget how crucial this is to their overall success.

Most of us agree that children and teens these days are more obnoxious, bratty, spoiled, and entitled than ever before. Take one look at social media and you will see hundreds of comments about how disrespectful our children have become. If you Google the words “kids disrespectful”, thousands of articles and images come up confirming this long held belief that this generation of children is like no other.

But what if we’re all wrong? What if we are all making a big deal out of nothing? Are kids these days really that much worse than we were? Didn’t our grandparents think the same of our parents? What about the generations before that? Here’s an interesting quote I found while perusing the Internet. “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.” Guess what? This was Socrates who lived 470 BCE to 399 BCE.

How can it be that parents felt the same way about kids thousands of years ago as we do today? Maybe, just maybe, it is normal. Call me crazy, but I actually take comfort in knowing that parents have faced the same struggles and dilemmas for thousands of years. Maybe we’re not such failures as parents after all. Maybe it’s really just part of being a kid to be disrespectful. Maybe all kids feel entitled and have bad manners. Is this part of their development? Something they need to go through to figure out who they are and how to be a successful adult? Perhaps we’ve just become too nit-picky as parents that we just care more about everything little thing our kids do? Perhaps we’ve gone too far and just have really unrealistic expectations of how kids should behave. Of course, no one really knows the answers to all of these questions, but it’s certainly worth pondering.

Here is what we do know. Nobody wants an obnoxious kid. Luckily, there are things you can do to ensure that yours isn’t.

1. Don’t be afraid to say “no”. From the earliest age, children need to know that they cannot just do whatever they want. And they need you to set the guidelines and the boundaries. It’s not always easy, but it’s your job. Did you think parenting was supposed to be easy? It’s not, but you signed up for it, so do it well.
2. Be a parent, not a friend. Your kids need friends, but it’s not supposed to be you. You need to be the authority figure, and don’t worry so much about upsetting your child or making sure they like you. Sometimes they won’t. Deal with it.
3. Don’t over indulge your child. Don’t but them a Mercedes when they turn 16. Sometimes, make them save their own money to buy something they want. I’m all in favor of giving them nice things and going to nice places, but not all the time and not just because they want it. Make those moments the exception, not the rule, and make them special. A nice gift and/or meal for a birthday or holiday can be appropriate. But if it’s Mercedes, new iPhones and filet mignon all the time, your kids will be in for a rude awakening when they leave home and actually can’t have all of that whenever they want.
4. Do not allow your child to be disrespectful to you or others. That means you call them out on it every single time, and have consequences for them doing so. Do not ignore this behavior or you are telling your child that it is acceptable, which it is not. Lying, talking back, rolling eyes, and breaking rules are all forms of disrespect.
5. Make sure your child understands the difference between needs/rights and privileges. There are very few actual needs. Don’t be afraid to take away privileges when they haven’t been earned.
6. Be consistent. Remind yourself that all of this will pass, and your job is to teach and guide your child into adulthood.

Most importantly, don’t dwell on the bad behavior. Do what you need to do, and then move on. Remind yourself that this is what children do, and it’s what they’ve done for thousands of years. It probably won’t change any time soon, so just hang in there. If you do this right, one day, your child will be all grown up and a light bulb will go off. He will remember everything you taught him, and be a respectful, productive and respectful adult.

I have two teenage boys. Our lives are busy and chaotic, between school, homework, sports and other obligations. My house is messy and teenagers smell really bad. I find myself constantly yelling at them to hurry up, clean up, do this or do that. It never made sense to me that they couldn’t do the simple tasks they were being asked to do in a timely manner. After all, how hard is to run up to your room, put your clothes in the hamper and brush your teeth?

Then it occurred to me that we are always in a rush and rarely have “down time”. The therapist in me began to ponder. Maybe my kids are stressed and overwhelmed. Could it be that I didn’t notice that they’re having a hard time? Me? The therapist who is so attuned to the feelings and struggles of others? There was only one way to know for sure…I had to ask them.

Knowing that if you ask a teenager a question directly face-to-face that one will get, at best, a one-word answer, I took it to text messaging. My older son was in car with his carpool on his way home from high school, and I asked him, “What makes teenagers feel stressed?” I was initially met with “I don’t know”, but I was persistent. I said, “Ask the other kids in the car”, and I told him I wanted to know for an article I’m writing, as I didn’t want him to think it was personal.

The answers were very telling. Here is what they said stresses teenagers:

1)         School

2)         Homework

3)         Relationships

4)         Jobs

5)         Friends

Nowhere is this list was there even any mention of annoying parents or siblings. That seems to be the least of their worries. What are we doing wrong that our teens are so stressed? Or is this just a normal part of growing up? I’m going to say that it is both. Maybe our teens just have too much on their plates. Hours of homework and hours of sports and other activities might be too much. Pressuring them about SAT’s and college doesn’t help either. They have enough to deal with just navigating the waters of friendships and peers at this stage.

So how can you help your teen minimize and manage the stress in his or her life? Here are some useful tips.

• When your teen says he is exhausted, that means he is exhausted, not lazy. He needs some down time. Nobody will die if he misses soccer practice tonight.
• Remember when you were a teen, and the pressures that you felt. Do this often. Empathy is very powerful. Your role is different as the parent, and it’s so easy to forget what it was like to be a teen. You were also once a teen, so just try to think about that.
• Don’t over-schedule your child, either academically or extra-curricular. Does he really need to take 5 AP classes and play on 2 soccer teams and take music lessons? Maybe just a couple AP classes, one team, and no music would lessen his stress and make him a happier person. He will still go to college and be successful, maybe even more so if he learns he doesn’t always have to do it all.
• Encourage good nutrition, sleep and exercise. It does matter.
• Give him some space. Realize that your teen doesn’t tell you about everything, or even about most things. That’s ok; it’s his way of beginning to separate his life from yours, and it’s healthy. But remember that this doesn’t mean everything’s going well. Just because you don’t hear about it, doesn’t mean he isn’t having problems with his friends or with dating or even with teachers. He just doesn’t want to talk about it.
• Help him learn how to manage his time. If that means you have to take away his iPhone so he can get his homework done, then do it. He will thank you later (maybe when he’s 30). It will teach him that you can get more done in less time when you really focus, and in turn, it will actually give him more time to spend talking to his friends.
• Give him as many of these coping skills as possible. What he learns now will serve him well throughout his entire life.

Most importantly, just be there. Be supportive and understanding and encouraging. It’s not easy being a teen.

“Body image is how you see yourself when you look in the mirror or when you picture yourself in your mind” (National Eating Disorders Association). This includes what you believe about your own appearance including memories, assumptions, and generalizations, and also how you feel about your height, weight, shape, and how your body feels as you move around. A positive body image means that you see your body for what it really is. You accept and appreciate your body, and realize that you are much more than just your body. You do not obsess about diets and exercise, and you are comfortable and confident just the way you are.

How many women and girls do you know that feel this way about themselves. I’d like to be able to say most, but the reality is very few. We are immersed in a culture that values physical appearance, not helped by the media which uses Photoshop and other means of perfecting the bodies of the models, many of whom are already underweight. What message does this send to young girls? And what messages are we, as women and parents, sending to our own children, both the girls and the boys?

We cannot open a magazine or turn on the television without seeing unrealistic images of women everywhere. While there has been some minimal progress showing “real” women in advertising, it’s simply not enough yet to have much impact. Girls and women are constantly comparing themselves to these images that they see. Boys do it too, both about themselves, as well as well as their expectations for what an “attractive” girl looks like. Do not perpetuate this!

Our children are struggling with eating disorders and self-esteem issues, all based on outward appearance. Kids are bullying one another, and even adults are “body shaming” one another on social media. How have we allowed this to happen to our society?

When you get dressed to go out and say that you look fat in your outfit, your daughter hears that. So does your son. As your daughter matures and her body becomes fuller, she will grow to despise her curves just as she has heard you do so many times. And be careful with your boys. Do you really want to raise boys who have perfectionist expectations of women as they age? What can you do to improve your own body image and help prevent your children from perpetuating these warped views?

First, here are some ways to increase your own body image.

1. Take a long, hard look at your naked body in the mirror. Find 3 things you love about your body. Allow yourself 3 things to dislike.
2. Once you decide which 3 things to dislike, find a more positive light to shed on each. For example, you might have stretch marks from giving birth. What a miracle and a gift! Maybe you have small breasts. They will never hang down to your knees!
3. Focus on good overall health, rather than obsessing over diets and fitness. Live a healthy lifestyle, and know that this matters more than appearance.
4. Surround yourself with supportive, loving, positive people, who accept you and love you just the way you are. Get rid of toxic relationships and negativity.
5. Realize that what you see in magazines is not real. And even if it was, being an underweight model does not make you healthy. And no woman will look at 50 like she did at 25.

Now, as far as how to set a better example for the children, here are some tips.

1. Never, and I mean NEVER, make negative comments about your physical appearance in front of your children.
2. Don’t make comments about OTHER people’s bodies either (especially not your own partner). Not even “wow, you’ve lost so much weight and look great”. While it may be true, it just reinforces that we are all about our bodies, which we are not.
3. Tell your child they are beautiful, no matter what they look like. Never focus on their looks.
4. Find things to compliment your children on that have nothing to do with looks. Rather than “you have such a great figure”, try “you are so strong”.
5. If your child is obese, focus on it medically, not aesthetically. Work together as a family to lead a healthy lifestyle and make it fun.

If your children see and hear you being a confident, self-loving person, they will grow up to love themselves and respect others. You will be giving them the gift of realistic expectations, both regarding themselves and their partners. Let’s raise a generation of confident, respectful, caring individuals who look beyond physical perfection and value character above all else.

(If your think your child is suffering from an eating disorder, do not ignore this. They can cause permanent damage to their bodies of left untreated. Seek professional help immediately.)

Chances are your kids use social media. Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter are just a few of the popular platforms that kids are using these days. It’s not all bad, either. Technology gets a bad wrap when we’re talking about kids. I hear a lot about how disconnected kids these days are much focus is on the negative aspects of kids having phones and computers at their finger tips.

While there are many negatives to allowing kids to have devices, which I will discuss later, first I want to point out some positives. I disagree that kids are more disconnected than ever. As a matter of fact, in many ways I actually believe they are MORE connected than ever before. There has never been a time in history when you could literally communicate with the entire world instantaneously. Information is readily available about ANYTHING, which is truly amazing. Kids are in constant communication with their friends, and this actually builds stronger friendships and relationships. This, however, all comes with hefty a price.

Sometimes I wish they made different devices for different aged kids. A really basic phone for younger kids to call their parents. Add texting and limited internet access for middle school, and full privileges for high school kids. But this is not the reality we live in. In reality, we are handing devices to young kids with advanced capabilities, and they really are not developmentally mature enough to make good decisions about how they use them.

Talking to kids about internet safety and monitoring and limiting what they can do and when are always a good idea. But anyone who believes this is enough has their head in the sand. Kids often hear, but do not listen. Also, they are technologically smarter than us, and know ways to do what they want that we have no clue about. They also happen to be master manipulators. Even the “good kids”.

My own kids have devices, and I have set restrictions on the devices as well as set rules and boundaries in our home. My kids are not allowed to keep their devices in their rooms at night, as we have set up a charging station in the family room where all devices live. They have attended presentations and talks at school about internet safety and appropriate use of cell phones, as well as heard me talk endlessly about what is and is not acceptable. They are smart kids who understand the dangers that are out there, as well as the potential negative effects of their own actions. And yet, my older son has been caught watching hard core pornography, my younger son was caught texting with a stranger that he “met” on Minecraft, and they both set up Facebook accounts against my permission. You must stay on top of things, or even a good kid could do something really bad.

Recently, there was an incident at my son’s school. A bunch of boys had a group text going on, where they were making fun of another boy behind his back. This included a large number of boys and went on for quite some time. Eventually, someone got caught, and the school found out about the whole thing. Parents were called, kids got in trouble, feelings were hurt, and it was just a big, ugly mess. The boys involved include the trouble makers that you might expect to do something like this, as well as several of the “good kids” that you’d never imagine could do this to a friend. But they did. It happened. You’d be amazed what kids and teens will do just to fit in and be part of the crowd.

So here is what I’d like to say. Technology is not all bad. Kids can benefit in many ways from having access to people and information. It can help them socially, academically, and even emotionally. But technology is also very scary and potentially dangerous. Here are some tips for how to navigate all of this.

1. As parents, you must stay informed about the latest trends and use (you should know what Snapchat and Instagram are).
2. Set rules about the privilege of having these devices (yes, it’s a privilege, not a necessity).
3. Make sure you know the passwords for the device and any accounts your child has on it
4. Explain that there is no right to privacy on the devices, and that you will be looking at them, and then actually do it, frequently.
5. Don’t believe that your child would never do anything “bad”. They are all capable of it, especially teenagers trying to fit in.
6. Discuss with your child anything you see that may be concerning to you, whether it came from them or not. For example, if your child said something about feeling depressed, you’d want to explore that. If another child told yours that his parent hit him, you’d want to make sure that was handled properly, and you’d need to encourage your child to tell the principal or a counselor at school (otherwise you should)
7. Talk a lot about what is ok and what isn’t to post online, send to others, etc. Remind kids that screen shots can be taken of things sent even on Snapchat, and the internet is forever. One stupid mistake at 14 years old can cause problems for your entire life.
8. Don’t be afraid to take away the devices or set restrictions on them based on your child’s behavior. If they need a computer for school work, make them do it in an open area that you can monitor.
9. Remind them that their own behaviors will dictate how much freedom and privilege they will have. If they make good decisions, and show responsibility and maturity, they will have access. If they don’t, they will lose their privileges. It’s very simple.

In summary, technology is a double-edged sword. So much good can come from it, but there are many dangers and problems that we need to constantly be aware of and monitor. Rest assured that if you stay on top of things, and set clear rules and boundaries that you follow up on with action, you can successfully navigate through this with your children.

According to The Washington Times, based on the most recent census, the percentage of two-parent families has dropped significantly over the past decade in all 50 states. While the total number of American households with children increased by 160,000, the number of two-parent households decreased by 1.2 million. One-third of American children – a total of 15 million – are being raised without a father. Around five million more are living without a mother. That’s a lot of parents doing this parenting thing on their own.

Being a single parent will likely be the hardest, most exhausting thing you ever do. Parenting in ideal circumstances is hard enough, but it is even harder for all the parents out there doing this alone. While parenting definitely has its rewards, being a single parent will push you to the brink of sanity.

When you are pushed to the brink, stressed out and at a loss for patience, you do a disservice to yourself and your children. Exhaustion and frustration can easily creep up on you, and the result can be damaging to your children. Children will pick up on your resentment towards them, and will feel distressed about it.

Here are 5 tips on how to stay sane and grounded when you are a single parent.

1. Take care of yourself physically. Eat good food, exercise and get plenty of rest. I know this sound idealistic. But it’s really important. You can’t afford to get run down and sick. Your kids rely on you, so you might as well take this seriously. It also sends a message to your kids that you care enough about them and yourself to do so, and hopefully they will follow suit and make similar good decisions for themselves.

2. Nurture yourself emotionally. Minimize stress. Meditate or take a relaxing bath, play golf, go to the beach, talk to a therapist, read a book, or whatever else makes you feel calm and relaxed. Your emotional wellbeing is crucial to your ability to parent. If you are always frazzled and on-edge, you can’t possibly have the kind of rational perspective and patience required to do this job right. You will snap at your children and yell at them more often than deserved, and they will feel angry. This is not good for your relationship with them. Furthermore, much like with your physical health, they will learn from your example. When they see you take time to make sure you are ok, they will know that you care about yourself as much as you care about them. They will also learn from you how to take care of their own emotional needs.

3. Ask for help, and take as much help as you can get. If friends or family have offered, actually take them up on the offer. If you have the means, hire a babysitter frequently. This is really important. You are not a superhero and nobody, I mean nobody can do this job entirely on their own all of the time. It’s too big and too important to think you can do it all. Think about most important jobs…does one person do everything all of the time with no help from others? Of course not!

4. Leave your kids home and go out with friends and pursue your own interests. It is good for both you and your children to spend time apart. Friends make you remember that you are more than just a parent, and you deserve to have some fun! Life is a precious gift, so enjoy all it has to offer. While you’re doing that, your kids will learn that the entire universe does not revolve around them, that you live a balanced life. They are, no doubt, very important, but they are not all that you have in your life, nor should they be. One day they will grow up and leave, so build yourself a fulfilling life.

5. Don’t wait another minute to start dating again. Not only is it good for you to remember that you are an adult and you have needs and desires of your own, it also good for your children to see you moving on with your life. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for them to accept. Once they get accustomed to being the center of you universe, anything less will be unacceptable to them, and they will get resentful. Talk yourself out of the idea that you should wait until they are out of the house or a certain age before you start dating again. Now is the right time, and you deserve to find a new relationship and be happy. Unfulfilled and unhappy people don’t make great parents.

Remember, you may be a single parent, but you don’t have to go at it alone. There are people who care about you, who want to help and be there for you. Build yourself a great support system and be the best person you can be. Then, and only then, are you able to be a truly great parent.

It is hard raising kids with ADHD.  They can be hyper, emotional, disorganized, forgetful, and so much more.  They lose their pencils, lunch, jackets, and any else that’s not attached.  They forget to do their homework, or to turn it in.  The older they get, the higher the stakes.  By the time they get to high school, these challenges can really get in the way of excelling.

One thing to try is using a planner.  Many kids with ADHD are very visual, so seeing everything written down can help organize them and help them feel less overwhelmed.  This works well for many teenagers, but for others, like my own, losing the planner or forgetting to write in it became bigger problems.

What has been useful for us is using a white board.  Each week and each day, I have my son write down his assignments (which we are able to look up on a website that his school uses) and put them on the board with a due date.  I then help him to determine which assignments to do first, help prioritize, and plan his day and his week.  Again, this is a visual aid, and very helpful for many teens with ADHD.

Many parents end up fighting, often daily, with their teens over homework.  If you have the means, hiring a “homework helper” can be life altering.  You can get a local college student to come to your home and spend an hour organizing and assisting your teen with his homework, whether on a daily basis or less.  This removes you from the equation, thereby lessening the tension between you, which can improve your relationship with your teen.

Keep your child active.  Team sports have many advantages for teens with ADHD, not just the physical benefits.  The physical exercise is necessary for overall health and helps them to focus better.  But working together, being part of a group, and following rules are all important as well.

Make sure your teen gets plenty of rest and eats nutritious meals.  Try to limit the sugar.  This can be difficult with teens as they gain their independence.  But try to teach them about good health, and encourage them to make good choices.

Many teenagers will eventually outgrow or at least overcome the obstacles of ADHD. In the meantime, hang in there.  No teenagers are easy, and ADHD is never easy.  Combine the two, and you’ve got quite a challenge on your hands.  Remind yourself that it will get better.