The facts are shocking and unexpected for parents of many teens. Freshman college students start drinking heavily immediately after arriving on campus, according to a review of research published by the National Institutes of Health. In addition, first-year college students account for one-third of campus deaths, even though they comprise only one-quarter of the student body and most of those deaths are alcohol-related in some way.  Freshman also commit more acts of violence and vandalism and are more likely to land in the emergency room than older students, again largely because of their drinking behavior.

So, if your teen is heading off to college this fall, how can you insulate him from these dangers? What can you do to help your teen stay sober?

Most freshman drinking is done on the weekends early in the term, at social gatherings. While college men drink more than college women, both men and women tend to binge drink at parties where alcohol is the centerpiece. Binge drinking – downing many ounces of alcohol in a short period of time – puts students at risk for alcohol poisoning.  Drinking games are an important part of the college social scene, particularly for younger students.

An interesting finding is that while kids who are not college-bound drink more in high school than do kids who are college-bound, once in college the opposite is true. College freshman drink more than high school grads who didn’t go to college.

Another key finding is the fact that freshman students who pledge to a fraternity or sorority are much more likely to abuse alcohol than are freshman who are not involved. Pledge-week activities and initiation rituals tend to include drinking; the drive to be accepted in these clubs inclines students to over-consume. This is especially true of fraternities and freshmen men.

Religion only marginally affected a student’s drinking. While students with a strong religious background were less likely to drink heavily, this effect disappeared under strong peer pressure or when a student joined a fraternity or sorority. The need to be accepted as part of the group overrode religious teachings for many students.

What can you do? The research compiled in this review study point to solid, supportive parent-child relationships, especially between fathers and sons, as having a dampening effect on student alcohol use. In contrast, students who reported that their parents, and especially their mothers, were okay with their drinking got into trouble with alcohol more often and more severely. This means:

• Let your teen know how you feel about her drinking in college and make it clear that you expect her to limit her drinking.
• Talk over with your teen strategies for being social without drinking heavily. Teens don’t know the tricks older students know, about sipping a drink over time, substituting soft drinks for alcohol, and avoiding drinking games.
• Avoid pushing your child to join a sorority or fraternity. If he decides to pledge, keep an extra eye out for evidence of heavy alcohol consumption. Help your teen be aware of the dangers.
• Keep the lines of communication open. Avoid being harsh or overly restrictive, forcing your teen to keep secrets from you.

One of the most important findings from this research is this: clear limits on drinking set by parents and parents’ lack of permissiveness about alcohol reduced the influence of peers, even when teens were away at school. Instead of sending your teen off to college without discussing alcohol use, take the time to talk things through. Making your expectations clear may keep your kid healthy and out of trouble.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.

If your child is headed off to college this fall, you might be shocked by some of the hidden costs of books, student activities fees, and such. You’re paying plenty and the idea of paying for gym time might not seem like a priority. But new information suggests that going to the gym regularly boosts students’ grades.

Paying for a college student’s gym membership may be a great investment in your child’s future.

At Michigan State University, researchers found that freshman and sophomore students who were members of campus fitness centers had higher grade point averages (GPAs) than students who weren’t members. They had earned more credits after four consecutive terms than non-member students. Freshman gym members were more likely to attain sophomore status (as determined by credits earned) than freshmen who were not gym members. Students with campus gym memberships also stayed in school longer and were less likely to quit college early.

The thinking of researchers is that being a member of the college fitness center helps teens feel more connected to the school and to their classmates. In addition to the familiar benefits of exercise, like increased oxygen to the brain and increased feelings of optimism, going to the gym may help students feel more at home at school and more committed to their education there. The link between gym membership and school success is stronger than just the link between physical exercise on one’s own or as part of a team sport.

The bottom line is that although paying for access to the campus fitness center may seem like an added expense and an unnecessary frill, it actually may make the difference between being successful at college and being less successful.

If your teen is headed off to college this fall, consider adding membership to the campus gym.

If you sent your teen off to college for the first time this fall, here’s something you should know: the child you sent away isn’t the same person who will come back at Thanksgiving.

This can be a shock. Come November, you will dust her room – which you’ve kept just the same as it ever was – imagining that she’ll return for the long weekend or maybe for even a longer break between terms and thinking that everything will be just the way it used to be. It won’t. She’ll be different. Things will have changed. And this is a good thing.

The first term on his own is a time of tremendous personal growth for your teen. He has had to manage his own affairs, make new friends, meet new demands, and handle new temptations and opportunities. He may have hit new lows in self-confidence or reveled in unexpected achievements, or experienced both, often in the same day. This is fine. This is what is needed. But your child, having to endure the total-immersion experience of being on his own in a strange environment, will grow up amazingly. The child you sent to school will come home an adult.

This is not to say that by November your child will have it all figured out. That’s unlikely. But having your child back for a visit will be like having your cousin or an old high school chum stay at your place while she’s in town on business.  You will be politely interested in what your child has to share, you will offer advice and support if they are asked for, but otherwise you will keep out of your child’s way. You will understand that what you’re seeing is your new, more grown-up son or daughter.

So here is the key piece: you must stay out of your child’s way starting right now. In order for your child to develop into an independent, responsible, well-adjusted adult, she needs to stand on her own two feet and this is the time when she’s got to do it. Yes, this is difficult for you. Yes, you want to know every detail of her college life. Yes, you’d like to live vicariously through your child.  Yes, you want to anticipate problems and head them off for her. But your child is not the star of some reality TV show and you are not the show’s director or part of the audience. You cannot grow her up yourself. She has to do that on her own.

College is a great tool for making this transition from childhood to adult. Colleges, generally speaking, accomplish this task well. Your job, between Labor Day and Thanksgiving, is to stay on the sidelines, cheering if cheers are wanted, sending cash occasionally, being politely interested but not over-involved.

If you let it, great things will happen. It will seem like magic.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.