It’s a fact: teenagers do bone-headed things that anyone in his right mind would never do. They do stupid stuff and when you ask why, they say something like, “I didn’t think.”  No kidding.

This sort of behavior can land them in real trouble, if it hasn’t already. So why are teens so thoughtless and what you can you do to help them wise up?

First, teens may look nearly grown up but their brains are still developing. And the part that is developing the most at this age, the prefrontal cortex, is the area necessary to evaluate a course of action and see consequences. This part of the brain isn’t fully online until late adolescence – about age 18 for girls and as old as 22 for boys. So when teens say they “didn’t think” or they “didn’t know,” they’re right. They didn’t really have even the ability to think things through or to know what might happen.

Second, teens are blinded by their own over-confidence. The under-development of their prefrontal cortex permits teens to inflate their own abilities and to think they’ve got everything under control. Teens can’t see all the details and possibilities so success at any venture seems simple to them. They feel perfectly capable of mastering any challenge, any challenge at all.

Finally, teens simply lack experience. We adults know where the pitfalls are. We understand that a child by the side of the road might dart in front of our car, so we slow down. We know water that is deep enough to dive into might still hide rocks, so we check before we jump in. We know that being asked to “take care of” something valuable for an acquaintance might mean that it was stolen and we know that receiving stolen property is a crime.

Teens don’t know everything, though they sometimes think they do, and they don’t have the brain power to think things through very well anyway. What can we do? How can you help your teen wise up?

1. Casually clue him in. Your teen may not want your advice, so you need to almost mention it just in passing. You might share with them your own dumb mistakes and let them laugh at you. You might wonder out loud about the possibility of danger, and let them realize on their own that danger was possible. Keep the lines of communication open without preaching or treating your teen like a child.

2. Play the role of spotter. Remember when your kid was little and you stood under the jungle gym, ready to catch her if she fell? You need to play this role again now, the role of spotter. Your teen will get into trouble that a more carefully thinking person would avoid. You need to stand underneath, ready to catch her and set her on her feet again. Don’t blame her for her thoughtlessness but help her make amends if need be and learn from her mistakes.

3. Continue to give your teen chances to make decisions. It might seem easier to just keep your teen indoors for several years until his brain catches up with reality. But the thing about brain development is that it requires experience to happen. The only way to learn how to see the possible consequences of an action is to have to make decisions that involve possible consequences. The prefrontal cortex requires exercise to develop. Make sure your teen’s brain gets this exercise.

And remember one more thing. While teens do make thoughtless mistakes, you do too. We all do. Each of us probably made a dumb error as recently last week. It’s easy to judge our teens’ stupidity as just that – stupidity – and forget that we made that error ourselves when we were fifteen and we made a different error of our own this morning. Life is full of uncertainty. We’re all learning. Love your teen.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.

There’s quite a bit in the news lately about football head injuries and the long term damage professional players have sustained. Recently some pros have even said publicly that they don’t want their sons to play the game.

So if your boy plays football, you’re probably aware of the danger of head injury. But what you might not know, especially if your child doesn’t play contact sports, is that a kid doesn’t have to play football for head injury to be a problem. Parents of children of all ages and both sexes should be aware of the warning signs of concussion and take head injury seriously.

Many head injuries, in fact, happen in ordinary play. My older son knocked his noggin in high school gym class when he roller-bladed out the field house door and down a set of concrete steps. Luckily he got by without lasting difficulty but he also got quick emergency room care. He has also continued to be lucky in avoiding another head injury despite a long athletic career. My son’s game is not a contact sport but even so one of his teammates was forced to retire because numerous on-field concussions were starting to add up.

My son’s experiences point out the two keys of head injury: quick response counts and the effects of head injury are cumulative.

If your child hits her head hard and loses consciousness, even briefly, get her checked. If she seems disoriented or unable to remember what just happened a minute ago (if she keeps asking the same questions over and over, for instance), get her checked. If she experiences headaches, vomiting, dizziness, or sudden sleepiness, get her checked out. Stop what you’re doing and get immediate medical care. Head injury should send you and your child to the ER.

A minor concussion may have no lasting effects. But a more serious concussion can cause bleeding and swelling in the brain. Because the brain is confined inside the inflexible skull, bleeding and swelling cause more problems in the head than bleeding and swelling in any ankle or any other part of the body. Permanent brain injury and death are possible outcomes of a serious concussion. And even a minor concussion calls for resting the brain for several days, even weeks, after. This means no school and no reading, and as little thinking as possible.

In addition, keep track of the number of hits your child’s head takes. That fall from a window at age two, that car accident at age six, that tumble off a bike at age 10… these all add up. What we’ve learned from professional football is that a series of minor concussions can accrue so events that by themselves were not serious add up over time to critical impairments.

Finally, notice that a kid doesn’t need to ride motocross or skate freestyle to crack his skull. In fact, in these sports, helmets are part of the equipment and while no helmet can protect against concussion completely they certainly can help. Just keep in mind that any fall, especially a fall onto a hard surface, by a child at any age can cause problems.

You can’t protect your child from every danger and you certainly don’t want to lock your child in a closet all summer. But be aware. Don’t downplay a head injury but get it checked out.

© 2012, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved.