I have two sons, who, thankfully, are no longer teenagers. But I feel a certain post-traumatic stress as I recall some of my kids’ reactions back then to events that appeared to be not such a big deal. Teens then and teens now tend to over-react. They are emotional and quick to escalate the importance of events. Now we know why. Teen brains – especially teen boys’ brains – predispose kids to act badly.

A recent review of research into risky behavior among teenage boys established the neurological basis for three annoying reactions adolescents are liable to.

1. Teen boys show greater activation of the emotional centers of the brain when in a threatening situation than do younger children or adults. Even when the boys in one study were warned of an upcoming emotional event and were told to not react to it, their brain scans showed a high level of emotional arousal. Teen boys are more emotional than everyone else.
2. Teen boys are pretty much unimpressed by threats of punishment for bad behavior when those are countered by the possibility of large gains from the same behavior. For example, boys who were threatened with sanctions for gambling gambled even so if they believed the odds were in their favor. Punishment doesn’t deter a male teen’s inclination to have fun!
3. Teen boys are less able to recognize dangerous situations because a molecule necessary for developing judgment of risk is less active in adolescent males than in other people. Teens’ brain chemistry is different from adults’ in ways that increase their daring behavior.

Keep in mind that these studies examined only boys’ brain activity and chemistry, because boys tend to land in trouble more frequently than girls. But parents of girls recognize that their daughters also can be highly emotional, take what seem to be unreasonable risks, and make poor decisions. While it’s clear that there is a biological basis for teen boys’ behavior, it might well be that the same basis underlies teen girls’ behavior too.

So what is the take-away? If this is how teens’ brains work, is there nothing you can do? Well, here are some suggestions.

1. Support your teen in learning how to regain control when his emotions get out of hand. Practicing yoga, tai chi, or martial arts can help a teen develop self-awareness. Learning techniques for self-calming (like taking deep breaths, counting to 10, and so on) can also be helpful.
2. Reduce unnecessary stresses in your teen’s life. Limit extracurricular activities that overload your teen’s schedule and contribute to hurry and anxiety. Avoid picking fights with your teen and being too demanding and restrictive.
3. Encourage your teen to live a healthy life. Brains run on chemistry and good nutrition is essential for good chemistry. Adequate sleep is necessary for efficient brain function. Help your teen to get all he needs to keep his brain working well.

Keep the lines of communication open by being a supportive listener. This is the way to have input into teens’ decision-making. If you are insistent, directive, and disrespectful your teen will not want to talk things over with you.

Teens eventually grow into adults and develop adult brains that function sensibly under stress and in danger. The trick is to get through this time with body and heart safe and your relationship together intact. Knowing that there are biological reasons for your teen’s erratic actions helps you to take the long view.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Look for free downloads on Dr. Anderson’s website at www.patricianananderson.com.

Maybe your kid is heading off to college this fall. She might already be there, in fact. Maybe your teen decided against college and is working instead. Maybe your teen is still in high school and you’re both wondering if college is the right next step. No matter what the situation, the question is, “What, really, is college for?”

College costs a whole lot of money. In recent years, college graduates have struggled to find jobs they couldn’t have got without going to college at all. If college is worth all the time and money, what value does it provide? Here are some of the benefits of college, only one of which has anything to do with a kid’s future career.

College gives young adults time to develop into functioning adults. We now know that the adolescent brain isn’t fully developed until about the time kids graduate from with a four-year degree. College provides a structured setting in which this final growth can take place.

College provides young adults with experience with making important choices and managing their own affairs. That last bit of brain development happens in the areas devoted to making decisions and seeing consequences. This means that experience in doing just that is important. Selecting courses, deciding on a major, and managing everyday affairs help make this development happen.

College students earn a credential that demonstrates an ability to complete something substantial. It doesn’t matter what the credential is in. What’s important is that a kid stuck with it, did what was required, and managed to earn a degree or other recognition. College grads are hired in fields different from their majors because the major isn’t so important as the fact that the grad actually earned a degree.

College students experience diverse people and points of view. Even if your child goes to the local community college and lives at home, attending college puts her in a bigger pond than high school did and gives her a window on a broader range of ideas.

College is a chance to create life-long connections to individuals and ideas. The people your teen meets at college are the ones who will become his network going forward. These are the people who will know about job opportunities, provide a place to stay when he moves to a new town, and be his cheerleader and support long into adulthood.

College develops intellectual skills that can be applied to many situations. No matter what major your child decides on and no matter what job she actually takes when she graduates, just going to college teaches ways of thinking and of solving problems that are valuable every day. College students acquire tools for thinking about problems and are equipped to solve them

Finally, college provides a possible entry into a particular career. A degree in education fits a person to become a teacher. A degree in accounting fits a person to become a CPA. Some careers require specific preparation and college provides that. But even if a graduate decides to do something completely different from his college major or if there are no jobs in his field, his college experience puts him ahead of others in the job market.

So, what’s college for? It’s for developing young people into better prepared, better equipped adults. Can your child achieve this without going away to school? Maybe. Can your child achieve this at a community college or technical school? Mostly. Can your child achieve this without going to college at all? Possibly. The decision to go to college and the choice of college depend on the teen and his family and certainly one-size does not fit-all.

But college isn’t just the first step towards a job. It’s much, much more than that. Launching a career in a specific field is not so important as all the personal development college provides.

© 2014, Patricia Nan Anderson. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. Ask for Dr. Anderson’s book, Parenting: A Field Guide, at your favorite bookstore.